Europe by Rail (2) - Arm wrestling on Las Ramblas and a sack of cheese 1st Class

 - Barcelona - Cerbere - Narbonne - Nimes - Marseille - Nice - Monte Carlo -

Classic Deans...topless again

Tuesday 20th July

We met up with the 'Beni Girls' on Las Ramblas. Some time after Zippy got in a trash can, but before she tried to steal a JCB, we bumped into a bunch of 'lads on tour (whaoh nuttaz)' and one of them, presumably jealous that I was with girls despite being smaller and less hairy than him, challenged me to an arm wrestle. He still owes me that pint.

Wednesday 21st July

We accidentally discovered a great way to get good seats on trains, which I strongly recommend. Not wanting to pass through France without 'embracing the culture' we decided to buy a shitty bottle of €2 wine and a packet of cheese, which we forgot about. 3 days later and the rotting cheese made Jeremies blackened orphan-feet smell like a fucking rose-bed in comparison. To our great surprise, people would offer their seats to us and insist that we have the whole carriage to ourselves. Deans thought they were 'being courteous'. Then he ate the cheese.

Casino de Monte Carlo

Friday 23rd July

Monte Carlo is awesome. The lifeboats on some of these yachts are bigger than my house. The lifeboats have lifeboats. And those lifeboats have dinghies. 

Yesterday we met a really pale guy from Switzerland, so I got out my Swiss Army Knife to show him all the cool attachments it had, like the tiny magnifying glass, and such. I asked him if he had a Swiss Army Knife, and if so, which attachment did he find most useful? To which he responded 'No - I use French knives because Swiss steel is too thin'. Typical boring-ass-fuck Swiss.

In Marseille we had nowhere to stay, so at 2am ended up checking into a bullet-ridden crack-den/brothel next to the station. The whore who showed us our room was genuinely terrifying and I was scared she was going to rape me and then charge me - like those guys at French markets who put a bracelet on you and then force you to buy it. 

Tomorrow we are going to Milan.

Europe by Rail (1) - Benicassim: one of the few places where well-off, rah-rah London boys...

...can hang out, pill up and stay drunk for a week without contravening any 'social norms' (which are pretty overrated anyway).

Toob

(Credit to Deaner for the photos: full album here)

Princesses can also act like massive slags and get away with it (in fact not doing so would be branded 'failing to embrace the festival spirit') so it's actually in everyone's interest to forget what's been taught as 'right and proper', and fuck shit up.

Once a year isn't enough, but it's better than nothing.

Zippy's left eye. That is all.

Despite reluctantly forking out 40 quid to stay in the poncy campsite, it still ended up looking like a festering pile of crusty hippy turd about 3 hours after our arrival. It was nice knowing everyone within a square mile, but we didn't get to make friends with any crazy scottish neighbours like the year before, so it was a really different experience, rather than a better/worse one. 

Alex sings YMCA on her own

The strangest day must have been the last; seeing 30 UCS leavers sitting in a circle, all in tears, is an experience I don't think any of us will ever forget. I also turned 18.

Marmy faces would soon turn upside-down

Highlights are too many to list - but have to include Shamtoob and Cartier screaming Islamic prayers into a megaphone, stripping Dexter naked in the sea and tearing down Zack Wellins tent (yeah that was us Zack. Fuck you.) All in all though, an incredible week.

Regarding music, I guess Gorillaz were the best in terms of quality, and Prodigy in terms of performance. Not that it matters though, most people won't remember any of it.

I know I don't.

Romania - a pretty 'extreme' country...

....in the summer it's 45 degrees, in the winter it's minus 25. Rich Romanians make Abramovich look like an impoverished street-sweeper, but the Romani population in Southern Romania make up the single poorest community in Europe.

A couple of weeks ago I got back from rural Romania, where I'd been living with Lucas. It took a while for my balls to thaw since it was about minus 11 in the day and we were working outside the whole time.

I've spent a bit over a month in Romania over the past 2 years working with this awesome charity which helps really poor kids who have next to nothing (they're called LimXpo: if you wanna learn more about them or work with them, call me, or check them out here).

Adeline (aka 'King Kong')

The town's called Turnu Severin, I took this photo from outside the local school.

Ternu Severin - 'The Asshole of Europe'

It definitely feels good to feel like you're 'helping the world' - but I'd be lying if I said that's the only reason I keep going back. Truth be told Romania is fucking cool and a beautiful country too. They've got natural hot-springs, mountains, cascading waterfalls, and I hear they're getting Cable TV in 2015.

August

December

Lucas being manly by the hot-springs

I've learnt a lot in Romania. 

I wont get into what I've learnt about 'myself' or about 'the world'. That shit is far too deep and will take far too long.

Firstly; kids are way cooler than adults. We played with kids all day who had nothing, and didn't speak our language, but they were just happy to see us and I have never had more fun than with them. Adults spat at us in the street, refused to help me in the supermarket when I couldn't find the toilet paper, and even attacked us with a massive pack of dogs on chains (yeah - seriously).

This kid is completely deaf - and nearly got hit by some nobhead drunk driver

Secondly; some Romanian women are the potentially the fittest in the world (despite their hideous 'spade-faced' male counterparts).

'Mirella' the Romanian Goddess

Thirdly; Romanians treat dogs like utter turd. I know this is a bit of a random complaint but seriously - WTF. There are thousands of stray dogs all over the place and they're seen as pests. People kick them in the face and throw them around for fun, like that crazy old cat-lady tramp in The Simpsons. This one was stuck outside for hours and would have frozen to death if Lucas hadn't lovingly snuggled it in between his teets.

Oh, and most importantly; Romanian alcohol is cheaper than water. 
Albeit if you drink 2 pints you wont shit for a week. This case-worth set me back 20 Lei (that's 4 quid).

4 pints of 'Timisoreana Brew' cost 80p

Worth it.