Guns and Sunrise in Yosemite National Park

From San Francisco we took a 5am bus to Yosemite National Park, and the driver hooked us up with an incredible lodge right under Yosemite Falls.



the view (en route)

Here we met the great Ben Scott from Australia, who laughed at everything I said and spent 45 minutes choosing which sandwich to buy in absolute hysterics. It all made sense when I discovered he had munched 2 acid tabs at 6am that morning.

 

Ben (on his ´Detox´)

That night we decided the only logical thing to do would be to build a massive fire, so after a quick skim of the 'Yosemite Dos and Dont's handbook' we took 4 extremely flammable towels from the lodge and ventured into the wilderness. We found a great spot under more stars than I knew existed and got a pretty decent fire going.

Things could only get worse...

It can´t have been more than 2 minutes before a real-life Ned Flanders Park-Ranger shone his torch in my eyes:

´´Have you been drinking alcohol or utilising recreational drugs!?´´

I thought we were screwed when this dweeb turned up, and I was right.

We apologised for the fire, put it out and did everything we were asked, but soon King-Kong-esque ´backup´showed up and for the next half hour we were treated like escapees from Azkaban. Supposedly a load of crystal meth smugglers hide out in National Parks around Cali and Death Valley, and Park Rangers here are the most armed police-force in the US, each carrying on them 2 handguns, an M16 and a pump action shotgun in the back of their van.

I wouldn't have laughed at his tight green pants had I known this.

...acrobatic interlude.

We were issued a $350 fine and after a hilarious 4-way game of Rock-Paper-Scissors (which didn't do wonders to prove our sobriety) the fine was issued in Ali´s name. I asked what would happen if we didn't pay the fine...

´´Sir...You are the master of your own destiny!´´

 ...was the informative response.

The whole ordeal proved to be worth it though; trekking up the Falls the next morning for sunrise was one of the most awesome and rewarding experiences of the trip.



Yosemite Falls; the highest waterfall in the USA.
Water freezes half way down, lands as snow, melts, then falls another 700ft.

 

Sunrise from atop the falls



After much debate we decided not to pay the fine.

As a result, Ali has a warrant for his arrest in every National Park in the USA..

...Shouldn't have chosen Paper.

Fire and Acid in the USA: A month of disastrous mishaps...

...and great breakfasts.

(with free refill coffee) at Lori´s Diner

Our journey begins in San Francisco, one of the most beautiful and charming cities I've ever visited. We were staying Downtown (near Union Square) - rightly notorious for being overrun with tramps and crazies, though they ended up looking relatively sane when compared to our 6ft 4 Korean hostel owner (Eric) who didn't sleep for 5 days and only ate speed tablets for every meal.

Fucking piece of shit loser cunt (and some homeless dude)

San Fran presented too much to take in given the short time we had; the city itself is absolutely stunning and too often I found myself dorkily half-jogging to catch up with Ali and Dave after getting left behind taking hundreds of photos. 

1962 Plymouth Valiant

Supermassive black-cars, Ocean Beach and Lombard Street were amongst the highlights, (photomagraphically speaking).

Sunset over Ocean Beach

Lombard Street (the windiest street in the world)

We spent a fair amount of time in Haight Street, the 'Camden Town' of Frisco, where if you mooch around for long enough trendy hippies will offer you a free spliff, or hot homeless women will give you shrooms, or friendly advice, or both. 

Walking across the Golden Gate was cool; attempting to hitchhike back for 45 minutes, failing, and then realising we had been standing under a giant sign which said ´NO STOPPING AT ANY TIME´ was not...

Although I did love the place, I left feeling slightly uneasy. The sheer number of people who live in San Francisco without a home was genuinely shocking; be they 'Rock' who showed us around the entire city with more enthusiasm than I could ever hope to have, or 'Q-Quinten', who whipped out his nob and pissed on a parked car whilst I was talking to him. Nowhere as wealthy as the United States can justify such utter neglect for its own people.

Next on the agenda was Yosemite National Park - I will try to update ASAP, but am flying into the Amazon Basin in 30 minutes, so - rain check?